This morning as I was spending time with Jesus I turned to the story of Mary and Martha – a familiar story that I’ve heard since childhood. Yet, today, Jesus used it to turn my heart to Him and silence my doubts, fears, and concerns.
On Monday morning we went to my 31 week checkup. Well… it turns out that since my fasting blood sugar readings are not in the range that the midwives at the center want them to be, then we won’t be allowed to have our baby there. Getting “kicked out” of this birthing center wasn’t one of my goals for 2013. So, on Monday I researched other midwives in the area and hospital possibilities. As well as taking a look at our insurance and what it will and won’t cover. As it turns out, the birthing center we were planning to use is the cheapest out of pocket option. Our insurance would even cover more of that then a hospital birth. So, as far as money goes, either way we go from here will cost more money than we were planning on. And, not just anyone will take on a momma that is 31 weeks pregnant. And, we’re leaving for Christmas at the end of the week and it would be good to get things figured out before then. So many questions were spinning in my head. The excitement for Christmas was pushed aside. The unknown of where we will birth our little guy took away the delight in expecting his soon arrival. Jesus was trying to comfort and lead me, but I was trying to figure it all out on my own. And my heart was far from peaceful.
As Jesus was leading me through the research, he brought up one birthing group that looked amazing. I contacted the head midwife and scheduled a meeting for Tuesday morning. Off Stephen and I trekked. I was thankful that we were moving forward. Our meeting lasted an hour plus and I fell in love with the birthing place and ladies while there. We voiced our concerns and they explained how they handle various situations. My heart became excited, yet still full of worry.
The ladies with this birthing group don’t understand why I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes in the first place, especially seeing what my numbers have been for the past several weeks. So, therefore, they have no problem delivering our little guy. That’s good news! And goes along with the researched we’ve been doing since I tested positive.
So, we found someone we like that will take us in. But, is that the best choice? That’s the question we wrestled with yesterday. My heart ached. One thing I don’t like is the unknown that can become known by a simple decision. The question – where and who will bring our baby into the world? Last night the decision was made. Stephen decided that going with this group was the best choice to make. I like when decisions are made…. so the fear of the unknown was taken away. Yet, my heart still wasn’t at peace. It still worried about various implications of this decision.
However, this morning Jesus finally got my attention and quieted my heart so that He could speak into it. Mary and Martha – a busybody who was consumed with worry and a lady who longed for the presence of Jesus. Which have I been acting like the past few days? That’s an easy question to answer – Martha. Woah, that’s not good. I want to have the peace and longing to be with my Savior and trust Him with each situation. As I was reminded by the last few verses of Matthew chapter 6, worry doesn’t add anything to my life. It won’t help the situation or make it better. All it does is make me miserable. God knows all of my needs and will provide. 1 Peter 5:7 states, “Give all of your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” I can’t just sit and think about all the possibilities that might happen with this situation. I want the peace of Christ to rule my heart and mind. I want the delight in expecting our son’s birth to be back. I want to have the excitement for Christmas that I had a few days ago. I want to be filled with His joy. There is only one way for that to happen as it says it Philippians 4 – “Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything. tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”
All the details still aren’t worked out. I have another appointment to go to today and have to finish things up with the old birthing center. God has to provide the money we need. Yet – He has given me His peace. I don’t have to fear. I only have to trust and have faith. AND, my excitement for Cinnamon’s (my brother’s name for our little guy) birth is growing ever stronger. I feel much more comfortable with the ladies we are going to work with than the ones who are kicking us out. We connected with the new ladies in a special way that we haven’t been able to do with the other ladies in the past 4 months. I don’t like anyone besides Stephen to touch my bump. Exams are fine and not weird, but any other time with any other person… yeah it makes me feel so awkward. However, yesterday, our soon to be midwife touched my bump as we were leaving and it wasn’t weird. I think that is a good sign 🙂
Maybe this is where Jesus wanted us all along…