Why are people so unhappily married?

What’s the Husband and Wife point of marriage? To have babies? Well, probably not. But – what’s so fun about marriage? Why do people want to get married? Then why do they get divorced? And do it all over again. It has to be more than just wanting to have sex freely with someone. And besides, people do that in our culture all the time whether they are married or not. I’m no marriage expert, in case you didn’t know. But, I do have a little bit of personal experience with marriage. A whole 20 months, actually. I like it. It is pretty cool. But the question in my head today is why are so many married couples who love Jesus not enjoying their life as partners?

If I had to guess I’d say that lots of people act selfishly 90% of the time when they relate to their spouse. They put their needs before their spouses. And then get frustrated when their spouse does the same thing. Maybe they become wounded by their spouse’s words – both private and public put-downs. Maybe they are independent and don’t want to rely on their spouse for anything. Busyness? Pre-occupied with the kids or work? Whatever it is, it is sad to see so many couples frustrated with each other. To see hearts that are hard towards one anothe. To see little interest between them for one another. It is sad.

When I look around and see couples like this I feel a sense of hopelessness. Yet, when I have a glimpse into a marriage that is alive and bursting with love and respect it is a breath of fresh air. It is so fun to watch these couples interact with one another and I love learning from them. These couples have open conversations paths, they respect one another, they give and give and give to each other, they put the needs of the other above himself/herself, and they speak life into their spouse on a regular basis. I want to have a marriage like that.


2 responses to “Why are people so unhappily married?

  1. Good posting. I also enjoy marriage! We both agree our “talks” and time together are the things we enjoy most. I can hardly believe we’re going to celebrate our 3rd anniversary the 1st of April. 🙂 I did not realize until this year that I had come to the marriage with expectations I was completely unaware of. I believe that in addition to selfishness, as you wrote, when unchecked, festers and leads to severe discontent.
    Focus on speaking life. Focus on the good. That is the best “cure” 🙂

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